Footprints in the Sand...

"When you saw only one set of footprints, those were the times when I carried you.”

-Jesus Christ

It was an sunset.

Some clinicmates and I were enjoying the waters from the shorelines of Sta. Cruz, Zambales. Afternoons on this seashore witnesses the meter-drop low-tides and the dramatic setting of the sun beyond the Pangasinan peninsula. We bathed on the clear waters some 200 feet from the shore and the still waters are just neck-high, our feet being cushioned with the soft sand mixed with the ashes from a volcanic explosion 16 years ago. We are talking anything under the setting sun, from the powers of gluthathione to the beauty of the hacienda-like place we are staying. Getting weary with just standing and bouncing through the small ripples emanating from the South China Sea, I decided to do some floating. I stretched my arms and lied down the salty waters while paddling my legs a bit to maintain the float. I’m lazily floating around like a raft around the folks while listening to the stories when I realized, I’m in a position of a cross, humbly surrendering to the darkening skies…

“There was a bit of editing on the scores of the election, para ikaw ang maging president ng organization. You are the best bet for the organization, so we have to do this…”

“You’re appointed as president of the organization, no one from the nominees accepted eh, so ikaw na lang…”

“Wow, astig, second year ka pa lang, Editor-in-Chief ka na! Congrats tol, ikaw lang ang second year dyan, lahat seniors. Astig ka talaga pre…”

A splash of seawater got in my now reddish eye. It was painful, notwithstanding the pain in the cheekbones from the schorching sun from the late morning sea bathe. I scratched my eye with my left hand to get rid of the salty water that makes it a little more reddish. I forgot, I haven’t stood yet, so the floating body became imbalanced and sunk some feet. I waggled to rise, but I forgot again, the water was just shallow, there are very few chances to drown. I got to my feet and rose again. While taking some jumps of the miniscure waves, there came a pain in my toes. I’m having cramps…

“Nasaan yung ibang officers mo? Bakit ikaw lang ang nagtatrabaho nyan? Umabsent ka nanaman sa class…”

“Dun na kayo sa president namin magtanong nyan, hindi ko alam yan eh…”

“Wala akong pakialam kung may quiz ka, basta’y kailangan kita dito sa publication office. Pumunta ka na kung hindi, ipapabagsak kita sa prof mo sa lintek na quiz na yan…”

Good thing, the cramps ebbed away in a short while. We decided to walk to shore and eventually to the resthouse where we are staying. While feeling the cooling air of the late afternoon, we walked to the shore. I’m marveling at the thought of how low the tides has been. Swimming 20 feet from the shore this morning is suicide, for the waters rose seven to eight feet, as opposed to staying 200 feet from the shore this afternoon. This is manifested by the change in the shoreline, where the wavelines from the morning are purely visible, some meters from the wavelines this afternoon. Upon reaching the shore, we sat on the sands. We have to dry ourselves for a while for our feet not no bring too much sand on the villa’s premises. While looking at the lovely sunset from afar we sat on the beach’s shore. I have never seen such majestic display of colors and scenery. A lowly sun, perfectly setting in the middle of an island far away. The twilight welcomes the depature of the sun in a highly dramatic panorama. Really, sunset here in this place is one of a kind, which rose an idea from one of the girls,

“Buti pa dito sa Zambales, maganda ang sunset, hindi tulad sa Manila…”

“Oo nga, tama ka dyan…”

“Kung yung dati presidente lang yung nakaupo, hindi magkakaganyan yan…”

“Buti pa yung dating may hawak sa organization na yan, hindi tulad mo…”

“Paano ka susundin ng mga subordinates mo, eh mas marami na sila alam kesa sa iyo sa pagpapatakbo ng publication…”

After some minutes, we stood up to start the long walk to the villa. We have to rush because it turning dark fast. While walking, I bowed my head to see if there are any treasures from the seashore. After some steps, I saw three shells, one elongated, one short, and the other one circular. I picked the shells. The colors from the shells are so awesome that I decided to bring them with me as souvenirs, added to the dead corals and emply shells I picked earlier this morning. To my surprise, the shells moved in my hand!

“May paa ang mga shells?”

I flipped the shells and saw little pinchers and antenna protruding from it. It was then I realized, the shells were home to three little hermit crabs. I showed the creatures to the group, and everyone was fascinated.

“Iuuwi mo ba ang mga iyan?” asked by one of the men.

“Yung shell lang sana iuuwi ko, kaso mawawalan ng tirahan yung mga hermit crabs, kawawa naman.”

“Eh ano balak mo dyan?”

Without hesitation, I carefully dropped the hermit crabs to the sand, near enough for the three to be washed back to the sea. Bringing them back in Manila might kill them. Six hours in the bag, gasping for air and seawater would be the last environment these little creatures would thrive. They belong to the seashore, not on the foggy urbanside. I stopped for a while to watch the first wave covered the three. Then there were none…

“Mas inuuna mo pa yang pagkanta na yan. May mapapala ka bas a pakanta-kanta mo?”

“Kaya mo na yan…”

“Wag kang uuwi until hindi ka pa natatapos dyan. Deadline nyan bukas.”

I looked down and I knew, it was only me who was wearing slippers, the rest are barefoot, making my footprints the most distinctive if one came looking back the trail. Because of the thick slippers, mine has the most pressure, therefore the deepest of the marks. With one large wave sweeping the shore, the footprints are gone, except mine…

It has always been hard being the strong and the know-it-all. As leader, having the will and having the knowledge will make me being looked up, respected, but not being reached out. I’m screaming on the top of my lungs for help and all I can hear is, “Kaya mo yan. Kaya ka nga nilagay dyan dahil alam mo yan.” Once people see the sacrifices I have made, to the point of amost dying and losing my head, that’s the only time help will be offered. But alas, sacrifices can never be undone!

All people will come looking forward to the things left to be accomplished by me, and from the smallest glitch, thousands of blame will be raining upon me. What reaction can you get just from them waiting for me and doing nothing.

Comparisons are always at my mercy of hearing! You should’ve been like this, you should’ve been like that, you should’ve done that, you should’ve done this. All they see is the things they want me to be, not realizing the pain and ego loss I’m been going through from the mere comparisons they would tell me.

All this time, all I have to do is to understand, from the lamest of excuses to the gravest of threats. I have to learn every responsibility for everyone to be replaced by me in case of absences or incapacity to do the work.

Its been tiring, that my life is being influenced by the command and comment of others. Its time to be myself and be independent, not caring what other thinks or says. I’ll never falter, because I have the strength and wisdom that God has given me. When time comes that I may be needed, I may come, that’s sure, through every way possible, but NEVER DEPEND ON ME. EVER.

It’s already dark, we have to hurry to the villa, dinner’s about to be served. We still have to wash ourselves before digging in into the sumptuous meal.