What Birthdays Mean

It’s the last day of January. Time flies so fast that a few more days left and it’s my 23rd hatching day. Unlike the rest of the soon-to-be birthday celebrators, I don’t feel the excitement knowing that another year in my life is about to close. To me, its just but another day to pass. Another 24-hour cycle that will come, tick and end sooner. Bitter ba? Hindi naman. Just learning. Problem nowadays is that, most of us are expecting greetings, gifts, parties on our birthdays. But in my case, the story is different. All my birthdays since my 17th are mere preparations for another event. A very sad event. A haunting memory yet a life changing realization.

It was February 8, 2001 at 12 midnight when my mom passed away. Three days before, February 5, 2001, I celebrated my 17th birthday with everyone rushing to my mom with her delirious condition. Her diabetes has damaged her kidney and was out of control. The damaged turned to be irreversible and the toxins her body should be releasing has spread throughout her frail body. No one seemed to remember that it was my special day for an urgent situation is to be attended to. I understood that. But if felt so bad. My mom on that horrible condition and me being forgotten. I angrily asked God why He has to make me and my mom suffer on those days that we should be celebrating. I became so selfish that I haven’t spared time taking care of my mom in her near-death days. When I came back to my senses, it was too late. She is gone. There is an uncontrollable regret and self-anger in me, until now. I don’t know how to redeem myself from this pain. Even if I spend my whole life doing to others the things I haven’t done to my mom, she will never return. That’s why all birthdays speaks of sorrow for me. None can replace the loneliness I feel. Not a gift, not a greeting.

This burden, I must carry throughout my life.

Bituing Walang Ningning

“Mabuti pa kaya’y
Maging butuing walang ningning
Kung kapalit nito’y
Walang paglaho mong pagtingin…”

Two years ago, during the first anniversary of Cute Boys in Town (CBIT), I recieved three awards: Mr. Congeniality (O diba, parang pageant lang?), Bachelor of the Year and Outstanding CBITean. I don't know kung talagang deserving akong makarecieve ng awards or the people right for the citations were not around during the anniversary, I'm not sure. It’s a rule that recipients of the awards are present during the ceremonies. But among the awards, the Bachelor of the Year award is the one I consider as a crown. A true title only I can have. Imagine staying single for a year while being in a group where everyone (Yes, everyone!) may be a potential partner. Well I guess I prioritized my studies then so I chose to be single.

Another year has passed, and it was a lie-low year for CBIT. Naturally, all titles are carried out for the next year. (Ayaw ko daw talaga matanggalan ng title hahahaha!) Naging busy ang mga tao sa kanya-kanyang jobs at studies at shempre, karir. Hays.

Tempus fugit. Another year has passed for the group. CBIT was revived sometime August 2007 through group text messaging and it proved to be a huge success. New members were introduced properly, old ties were reinstated, the friendship and camaraderie were restored. I graduated, passed and ranked in the board exams. We have celebrated the 3rd anniversary of CBIT last December 2007 without citing the next batch of awardees. Sabi kasi ni Kuya Joel (CBIT President) while on a meeting, "Hay naku, Boone, palibhasa alam mong may award ka nanamang matatanggap kaya gusto mong may award-award pa?”
Hotly, I said, “Hinde no?! Hindi ko na aasamin pa yang mga award-award na yan. Andami na nating members kuya. Siguro naman eh makakahanap na sila ng iba.”
“Then why not through group message surveys (gms) na lang kaya?” Kuya Joel suggested.
“Oo nga naman kuya, pwede, tutal adik naman sila maggm these days.” JP, a co-moderator agreed.
“Sige, go ako dyan. Start tayo ng January” Kuya Rex, the CBIT Founder, seconded.

January 2008 came. Eto na nga, gms came floating around like wildfire. Surveys like:
“Sino sa CBIT ang gusto mong ipaglaba ng underwear? Pm your choice”
“Sino ang top 3 CBIT Darling of the Crowd? Pm your choices. A selected texter from the top 1 entry shall have a one night stand with the winner.” (Kurik! May ganyang factor ang laban. Kaya tawa ako ng tawa sa result. Kasi ang napiling texter ay ang nanalo din mismo. One night stand sa sarili? Ano yun, sariling sikap? Bwahahahahaha!)
“Sino ang gusto mong kulitin sa CBIT?”
“Sino ang pinakafriendly sa CBIT?”
“Sino ang Bachelor of the Year sa CBIT?”

One morning, I woke up and WHOA! 75 messages received ang sumalubong sa akin. Nakakatuwa basahin lahat kasi basta gms, andaming pumapasok sa messages, samu’t sari. Iuupdate every hour and results para mas exciting. May mga nakikitext pa para lang makaboto. May mga halatang karir kung karir kasi iisang tao lang ang binoboto. May mga oozing sa confidence at super vote sa sarili. Kabog diba? May mga todo acceptance speech dahil nanominate o kaya e binoto sila. May mga nagpaparinig na iboto sila ng iba at may mga nangangampanya pa para iboto ang favorite nila! Tarrrraaayyyyy!!!!!

Then here comes the result. I-ggm ng promotor ang survery results. Shempre ang first instinct, maghanap ng pangalan. Maaring sariling pangalan o pangalan ng mga inaasahang manalo. Kung wagi, flattered, kung ligwak, bitter.

Funny, because I didn’t see my name anywhere. True as what I have said, Nakakita na ang members ng ibang dapat tumanggap ng mga coveted awards sa CBIT. (Coveted daw? Sabeeehhh!!!!???) Pero walang bitterness or anything in my part anymore. I know nagexpand na ang group kaya mas marami nang mapagpipilian ang mga members na talaga namang deserving sa mga awards. Hindi na rin sila magsasawa sa mga mukhang lagi nilang nakikitang may mga ganyang titulo. Especially the Bachelor of the Year title. Kailangan ko nang idispatsa ang award na yan dahil butihing maybahay na ako (Hahahahah maybahay talaga!?) ni Juan.

Its not really a big deal to have such titles from the group, but the title holder shall hold responsible to be an example for the rest of the members. I believe that for the last three years eh nagampanan ko naman ang mga tungkulin ko as an example to the rest of CBIT, so I need to rest my case and put my time and effort to the more essential; the relationship and commitment I currently are heartfully enjoying and cherishing. Hindi man ako ang bida sa group, ngunit alam kong hari ako ng puso ni Juan. Hindi ko na nga dapat asamin ang pagiging isang bituin ng CBIT, dahil ang pag-ibig namin ni Juan ang magpapakinang ng panibagong Boone sa CBIT.

Nagising ako isang umaga na may GM si kuya Rex and it says,
…Boone and John, kamusta ang Couple of the Year??...

Gusto Mo ng Pokemon??

A few months back, adik na adik ako sa isang site named Pokemoncrater.com. I'm not sure if the site still exist, but then marami akong nakilalang pokemons and a few friends while playing this addictive online game. Eto, isang katibayan...

If you know the names of the pokemons na nasa cards, adik ka din sa Pokemon for sure...

Gotta catch them all!!