Till The Next Journey Ends…

“Matagal pa ata itong pila. Care to take a walk?”

It was a gloomy night.

After a day of strenuous office and field work, I finally came to the last phase of my travel. I go to the site of the old Medical City to take a line of commuters going to Antipolo and wait for an FX ride. Not surprisingly, the line stretches to an impatient length. Knowing the number of passengers one FX can handle, the length of the line, the weary weather and the traffic jam that one ride will endure, one’s impatience can raise exponentially. That’s being normal for a rush hour. But still, it boils down to taking chances and being extra patient. Life is just like that. Taking chances and always face the ordinary. Routinary.

Or so I thought.

Standing to the farthest of the line, while I rearrange my jacket and pouchbag due to strained biceps, I made myself comfortable and relaxed by putting my earphones and turning the mp3 player on.

[Playing: Lights and Shades – Fra Lippo Lippi]

Five minutes has passed, not a single ride came. And no one seems wish to lengthen the line. A number of passengers would rather take the colorum FX and pray that not an MMDA or traffic police is in sight. People from the line are starting to get annoyed with the delay of the rides.

[Playing: Terminal – Rupert Holmes]

Finally, someone was brave enough to follow the line. It was a young man. I didn’t notice the features of the guy because I was facing another direction. The man went behind me.

“Uhrrm. Excuse me. Dito ba yung sakayan puntang Antipolo?”

I removed the earphones and faced the guy.

A chiseled-faced, fair-complexioned, strong-eyed, thin-lipped, sculped-nosed, tall guy met my eyes.

[Playing: Laging Ikaw – Jed Madella]

Everything stopped. I took some seconds before I managed the strength to reply.

“Uhh, oo, dito nga.” It was all that came out of me.

“Matagal na ba itong pila na to? Ngayon ko lang kasi nalaman eh.” He asked me again.

Looking intently at his Adonis stature, I was dumbfounded. Good thing, a nod from my head answered his question.

After that effort of nodding, I faced the other direction. Away from his face. Just to buy me some time to react and release the tension.

“Diyos ko po, ang GGGWWWAAAAAPPPPPOOOOO!!!!!”

I had to purse my lips, close my eyes and mute my voice’s volume while delivering the line, for me not to catch everyone’s attention. That reaction was a relief.

I restrained myself not to look at the guy again. I might get worse. But true enough of what I’m thinking, he wants my attention.

“Dito ka ba lagi sumasakay?”

I have to look at his face again. Time really stops at a glance of him. Damn it!

“Oo, kung galing ako ng work.”
“San ba work mo?”
“Sa may NAIA.”
“O, talaga. Aeronautics ba?
“Oo, engineering.”
“Ah ganun, astig ka pala pare.”
“Hindi naman. Ikaw, san ka work?”
“Diyan sa may Emerald.”
“Call center ba?”
“Hindi. Graduate ka na ba?”
“Yeah, last March pa. Review na lang and OJT para sa board.”
“Galing huh. San ka nauwi?”
“Sa may Manggahan lang. Ikaw, saan ka?”
“Taytay ako.”
“Layo pala.”

The conversation was made we gaze upon each other’s eyes. It was like a chance in a million to be in such a situation as that. All this time, I was in dream that suddenly came true.

[Playing: Never Let Her Slip Away – Andrew Gold]

We ended with a hang in the air. I am struggling to push the situation by putting up more topic. But then, he made the first move.

“Matagal pa ata itong pila. Care for a walk?”

I sensed something bad.

“Saan tayo pupunta?”
“Dyan lang. Maglalakad. Sampung fx pa yata bago tayo makasakay eh.”
“Hindi, wag na. Antayin na lang natin. Malapit na yun. Kesa naman pipila ulit tayo.”
“Haba naman kase na pila eh.”
“Ok lang yan. Iisa lang naman ang sasakyan natin eh.”

Ooops! I didn’t mean that!

The air turned silent. Not a word was spoken for some minutes. The guy looked agitated. Seems he wants to say something. The conversation seemed to be persuading me to go with him.
I turned back again to release the uneasiness I feel inside.

“Karir na, karir. Hanggang kasalan na yan, daliiiii!”
…
…
…
…
“Pare, ano trip mo?”

KKKKRRRRAAAAASSSSSS!

Seems that I was awakened from my sweet dream. I know where this conversation will end, so I put up my defense system.

“Trip ba? Sex trip?”
“Oo, gusto mo ba?”
“Sensya na, dude, I’m not into hook-ups. Dati ko nang ginawa yan. Tapos na ako sa ganyang stage.”
“Sige na, tagal ko na kasi hindi nagpapalabas eh. May alam akong place dyan sa may San Miguel.”
“Ah ganun ba? Sensya na talaga. Ayoko na sa ganyan.”

[Playing: Fuck You Right Back – Frankie]

“Ah cge. Dito muna ako.”

He came walking away from the line. Seconds after, he is gone. I didn’t even have his name.

For that simple incident, I didn’t understand why I was rattled that much. To end up my anxiety, I send a group message to CBIT:

Share q lng. Wyl w8ing 4 fx hir sa shaw, a guy tokd to me. Tall, fair, wafu. Askd me to
wok 4 a wyl kse haba pila. Mlman ko, hukup lng pla habol. Nung tnangghan q, he left d lyn. Akla ko p nman, pgibig na wagas na. Sex lng pala. :’<

The reactions from some of the boys can be condensed into one word. SAYANG.
It can be interpreted in two ways.

Sayang kase tumanggi ka sa grasya ng sex.
Sayang kase he can be the true love I’m looking for, but he only goes with hook-ups.

Finally, the fx’s came. Three fx’s has come and go and I saw myself at the front of the line.

Sayang, sabay sana tayong uuwi. Kung more than that lang sana ang hanap mo, kasama sana kitang babagtasin ang byahe.

The next fx came. Its my turn to ride. I’m looking around to see if the guy is still around, hoping for a second chance. Instead, my phone beeped, signaling that a message came.

[Playing: Even If – Sam Concepcion]

Boone, d2 me mega.

It was Chris, a long time friend from CBIT.

I found myself walking from the line going to Megamall, which is just a few strides away. My heart tells me to wait for the guy, but my mind tells me to proceed to Megamall and meet this long-time-no-see friend.
I met Chris at the side of the skating rink. He looked skinnier to me, and I looked chubby to him. (Ngggr!) Nevertheless, he still looks good. I told him I appreciate his looks more today than the last time I saw him. It was way back Febuary, I think.

This night became so weird because of the ironic stories that happened to me. After that “failed hook-up” incident, Chris came talking about the best relationship he had. He narrates the compassion, faithfulness and the life-changing events in his just-ended relationship. Though until now, he’s struggling to get it over with, I can see from his face the unspoken happiness that the relationship has brought him. Even the buses that leads to the house of that person will spark the never-ending stories he never feels afraid to share.

[Playing: Sana’y Wala Nang Wakas – Philippine Madrigal Singers]

While talking on a stair of the facade of the mall, the rain poured. More memories came rushing out of Chris’ stories: the 8-hour travel to Caloocan from Cavite just to meet the person you love, the promises of an unending love, the scars of a grave mistake and the openness of the relationship to both parties.

I feel happy for him; amused by his life’s parodies, laughed at his corniest jokes and heavenly-inspired by his lovelife’s story.

After I brought Chris to the bus station that will lead him home, tears came discreetly falling. I was totally moved by a love story that I always wished to have. The life-changing events, the compassion, the fidelity and the openness are few of the things I wish God could shower us with my upcoming relationships, if ever. Inside, I knew, I feel envy for Chris, for what’s he’s gone through. But I know, God will find way for me to feel what Chris felt, just something like that, if not better.

I returned to the fx station. There’s no more line. But there are lots of fx’s waited to be filled before journeying the highways. Not a sigh of the guy. Maybe never again.

[Playing: Tuloy Pa Rin – Neocolours]

Life is so ironic: Some people would go for earthly desires solely while others would live a life of memories made by the things that more than what the eyes can see or what the skin can feel.