I came to office late today. Nothing new: I’d be staring blankly into my screen and I’d be typing phrases and paragraphs and create some thought from it. Being not on schedule to blog, you shouldn’t be surprised if there’s no coherence in my musings.
Wonder why I have the nerve to blog while office hours? Not a work yet delegated by the boss. Most of the work falls on the ladies here in the office. I’d be moving when the feasibility study progresses and need my expertise to research and gather data. Thanks to ATO, the Internet and the PATTS library.
Here I go, indulging in a cup of cappuccino I mixed a while ago in the pantry. The warm, creamy and sweet mixture wraps the bitter coffee and the blend excites the palates and warms my weary heart and calms my agitated spirit. I realized, with a simple cup, I could wash away all the thoughts and events of the past days that have been bothering me endlessly. It has made me sleepless and worry at the times that I shouldn’t be.
The licensure exams for aeronautical engineers is past approaching but yet, there are a lot to study. And I mean a lot. From formulas of aerodynamic principles to the sections of PD 1570, the knowledge I have to gather seems to rise exponentially. Because of the tons I have studied, my poor brain is currently suffering from an overload of equations, terminologies and logic from my chosen field and there seems to have a hunger for more. Good thing, my college buddies invited me over to a house near the office to conduct scheduled group reviews. Sharing of ideas and techniques came open for all engineer hopefuls. And being the only one who reviewed in a different review center, the review materials I bring are off to comparison with the rest of the boys’. Definitely, one engineer hopeful would aim to pass the exams. But some would do anything to rise above the rest, even at the expense of ending a 5-years worth of friendship. Oh, people.
Coupled with the review are the updates of the classmates we had back in College and where are they headed as of now. Others are working in call centers, some work for the airlines and some are laid-back couch potatoes at home. One cannot help but reminisce the college days. Missing the student’s life is inevitable since everyone is now facing the real world. Away from allowances and hello to salaries. Away from professors and hello to bosses. Away to school and hello to companies. Life’s like that; transitions. After-college-life dilemmas.
I know I’m a strong man. I can face every hardship and stand for what I believe. But never would I see the very thing I call my weakness, or I’d be torn apart or be shattered to pieces: seeing a crying lady because of her man. When a woman’s heart is broken, it shatters my machismo.
A friend and I visited a boarding house some strides away from the review house. The house is rented with a very popular and pretty lady who happens to be a friend of mine. We are in good tidings when we approached the house. But after knocking the door, a crying woman welcomed us. We rushed inside to hush her. She was hysterical that she wants to go to the company where the guy works at the dead of the night. Unanswered and diverted calls, taken for granted promises, lies and infidelity succumbed the relationship; this is her plea. She changed clothes and asked directions and prepares to leave, just to know why all of this is happening. We are so worried to let her travel for three hours at night that we restrained her, and she continued to cry hysterically. I just can’t bear it. I lend her a shoulder and let her cry on it. At some point, want to get angry to the guy for making this woman cry on my shoulder. But then, I haven’t heard the other half of the story, so I can’t tell who is doing wrong or if there is something wrong. Looking at the woman, I wished I could be the man who would never make this woman cry. Someone who can give her the love and make her feel the happiest lady on earth. Someone who would not just make her feels special, but make her feel loved and cared for. But I realized, I’m not so much of a man. But if I can, I’d take the chances. I did that years ago, and that woman who took the man out of me still places a big part of my heart.
I’m not so much of a family person, but I keep my folks at hand. Too bad, it seems that I’m being wrong for the things they are not seeing. My late night arrival due to review sessions would be spelled out as gimmicks, my music fascination spelled nonsense and time waste. My folks never knew how hard life is since college days to be brought to this moment; the 5-hour daily travel, the sleepless nights, the emotional attacks from the professors, the endless reports. And I still have the nerve do to gimmicks at the time that I should be preparing for the last phase of the degree: owning a license. Music is the only rest from a day of intellect as to a portion an hour’s emotional output through the melodies and notes and it turns out to be termed as a waste of time. Life was not so easy for me and I end up to be called as “Tamad” and “Walang Kwenta”. That’s just so unfair, and I don’t think I deserve to be named as that from the members of the family. If their using those words reverse-psychologically to push me harder, its not being effective. In fact, its destroying me. It is starting to wither my perseverance, and I cannot let that happen. They may not see what I’m up to, and I don’t have to prove them anything. I don’t have to live to the words they are bombarding me. But I will be person they will be proud of in the future.
The Christmas lights flickers as the music plays with it. Christmas is fast approaching, and my passing to the licensure exams would be my only gift to the family. So I have to take extra effort, so they can be proud of me, even just this time.
Ooops, my cappuccino’s gone cold, thanks to the air-conditioning system. It’s almost lunchtime. I spend almost two hours releasing the tension inside by the words my fingers are typing in the keyboard. Thanks to you, I’m doing better. I’d have to grab a cup again this afternoon. See you!
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