8.29.2008

A Man's Measure

Friday evening.

It never felt better to have oneself ready for the day's, I mean, the night's work load, or so I thought...

I have the priviledge of coming to work early. I left the house with everything done; cooking, cleaning, sleeping for more than 5 hours. There was a smooth and fast traffic flow on my travel. I arrived at the building barely 40 minutes from log in, so I stopped by the lockers to get the usual stuff for the job; headsets, mug, stress ball (yes, we need one!) and pen. Before I proceeded to the workstations, I went to the pantry and poured iced tea to my mug. On the pantry television is the usual late night drama shows being aired. Watching the show after a few months has made me ignorant of the story, and its then I realized that there is so much in life that I missed having a graveyard shift. My eyes were glued on the show when I felt something cold running on my legs.

Alas, I left the mug's lid open and the iced tea I poured spilled all over my pants!

I immediately proceeded to the men's room and wiped my pants with scores of tissue paper. The air from the air conditioning systems shivers the wet pants as the coldness kicked in. I brushed my teeth after trying to dry the pants. After a few strokes and spitted the bubbles on the concrete sink, red lines are flowing from it. Blood. My gums are always bleeding after brushing. It looked gross so I opened the faucet and let the bloody bubbles and suds be washed away. Having no spare pants, I have no choice but to walk on the floors with my stained khakis. The essences of the iced tea left something sticky on my legs.

Great.

While walking on the floors, something in what I wear made the people I pass by giggle. Thought it must be the wet map on my pants or the stupidity of pouring my own drink on my pants while watching tv. I care less now, though much has been done. After a long embarrassing walk, I finally reached my station. I plugged my headset to the phones and pulled up my systems. I reached for my pants and discovered something worse. My zipper was open.

What a start.

The feeling of embarrassment has made me numb. I won't have to care what other people say with what happened. What's more important is that behind all the things that has happened, I will still walk on the floors and continue with what has to done; the most essential though the less appreciated. Though belittled with the stupidity, I have to walk forward, head up high, proud of having survived a war of pride and humility.

It is in this times that I ask myself, was I man enough? Did I made myself a stature of confidence over adversity?

Is this how a man is measured?

Should a man be measured by the strength of his muscle or the strength to his persona to accept the things he cannot change? Is it how he brings himself to others or his ability to survive and understand the toughest differences? Is it how he carries himself or how he carries for others welfare despite his struggles? Is he in his weakest when his ego is stepped on or when his heart is broken? Is he admired by his personal achievements or by his rising from failures?

Just when I think I can be man enough to be admired, it is but a great war. But then, at the end of the day, it is but the self to look back and ask oneself...

Was I man enough?
Or will I be the man everyone is hoping me to be..?

8.17.2008

Rain

I have to leave early for work. Shift starts at 10 pm but I left home around 6. Being early to wrok seems to keep me sane at this time. Getting busy to work is the only way to forget all the heartaches and pains.

It is unusually dark when I stepped out, as to the season and time's perspective. I could fill the humid air touch my skin and I could see subtle lighting blink behind the thickening clouds. It is certain that rain is coming.

And yes, here comes the first drop. One by one, water droplets are falling to the rooftops, patting gently, the symphony accelerating, like the sound of an audience applauding to a stunning performance.

Ah, yes, indeed a performance! Thinking about all the things that happened to me in the past months, yes, it is a performance! A struggle to survive, a fight for the sanity, a battle of patience versus understanding.

Immediately, like the rest of the people on the street, I grabbed my umbrella inside the bag and opened it. Others who unfortunately don't have any rain gears run for immediate shelter. As I open my three-fold umbrella, it shielded me from the raindrops. But there is something inside of me that entices me to remove the umbrella.

Unlike the others who are pissed off because of the rain, I find it enjoyable to have the feeling of the raindrops kiss my cheeks. It is like washing all the my inner wounds with running water. Painful as it passes the crevices of the contusions indeed, but then soothing as time goes by.

With all the pain ovewhelming my senses, I would love to cry, let all the tears flow from a broken heart and a shattered soul. As tears fall from my eyes, I would look up in the sky and see how it cries with me. As I cry to ease all the pain, the weeping skies extinguishes the flaming anger, resentment, regret and self pity I keep from within. I can cry big time and no one will notice, for the waters dripping from my cheeks are indistinct from the source.


I could scream and shout, and let the thunder bury the resonance of an angry lad. I could fall on my knees and fall flat on the ground, and let the mud hug my weakened body. I could be full of dirt, and let the rain wash all the stains of blood from a deafeated warrior.

I love the feeling of being in the rain and giving out all the pain back the skies and drop dead to end the torment, but still, its not the way things should be. I have an umbrella with me, and I should be keeping myself to get wet in the rain. Life still has its purpose, I just have to find it, and so I must continue.

But when the last raindrop falls for my life to end, it will be but my greatest bliss...

8.13.2008

Biannual Thanksgiving

What the...

Tempus fugit. Its been two years since I've started the blog, and I believed there was a lot that was changed since I first wrote my articles here. From musings to stories to thoughts, thank God I have this blog to house it all

100+ articles.. whew!

A few memorable articles

My first essay writing contest piece for an election
My first true story in gay lingo
My mumu story
I saw the A380!
The day I passed the board exams
Emote bago mag birthday!
The day we said YES!!


Thanks for gracing the blog, btw, I owe it to you, the reader...

God bless you!

8.09.2008

Ang Kyubikel


Ang buhay sa kolsenter, lahat dapat ipinapaalam. Lalo na sa lagay namin na mga kustomer ang tumatawag. Mahalaga ang bawat oras, bawat minuto, bawat segundo. Hindi ka basta pwedeng tumayo sa upuan at mag-alis ng headset. Maaring isang iritadong Kano ang tumawag at walang sumagot sa kabilang linya, patay kang bata ka...

"What the hell is wrong with you people? I've been waiting on the line since God knows when then it will took you long to answer the phone?? You assholes, bitches, motherfuckers.... Your company is like ... the hell with you all people from (pangalan ng company)!!!"

Kaya maging pag-ihi, pagtae, pagyosibreak, paglunch, kailangan rehistrado sa teleponong gamit namin (in fairness naman, haytek ang telepono sa opisina) para walang makapasok na tawag. Bago irehistro, kailangang ipaalam muna sa mga kinauukulan. Ang mga kinauukulan na ang bahalang magapprove (imagine kailangan pa iapprove!?) para marehistro ang telepono sa istasyon ko nang hindi mapasukan ng tawag. Siyempre, ang mga breaks at lunch eh hindi na kailangan ipaalam, nasa schedule kasi yan, pero kung tawag ng kalikasan, nako, malas mo lang kapag may kausap ka at sumiklab ang himagsikan sa tiyan mo...

"Sir, to be able to assist... ahm... to assist you, uuuuhhhh, I may ummm, need to uhhh..."
"Are you alright, son?"
"Uhhh... yes, sir, (phoooot!) perfectly fine sir, just having some ahh... technical issues here."
"Oi, sino ba yang umutot? Ambaboy naman oh!"
"(Habang nakamute si agent) Sorry, hindi na kaya, umiikot na talaga tiyan ko!"
"I-tae mo na yan dude!"
"Call the PAC (yan ang tinatawag namin para makapag biobreak), kesa magsabog ka ng lagim dito sa floor!!"
"Hello sir, I may need to call you back, do you have any call back number where I can reach you in about uhm... 15 minutes?
...Thank you sir, kindly wait for my call. You have a great day!"

Toot...
"Hello, may I have a biobreak?"
"Go ahead..."

Nagmamadali kong nilakad ang malamig na opisina para magtungo sa palikuran. Medyo may kalayuan ito, kaya pabilisan ito ng paglakad.

Pagpasok ko ng palikuran, isang bagay lang ang aking inapuhap. Isang tabo. Puro lang kasi tissue ang nakaambang upang maglinis na iyong pinagbugahan. At hindi-hindi ko ninais na tumayo ng inidoro na punas-punas lang ang katapat. KADIRI...
Aleluya! Naiwang bukas ang utility room ng palikuran. Pagbukas ng pintuan, isang malaking pulang tabo ang nasa maliit na lababo.
Ayos na to...
Pinuno ko ng tubig ang tabo at tsaka ako pumasok sa cubicle.
Maghuhubo pa lang ako ng karsonsilyo (*%^&$% tinagalog talaga hahahahaha), nang narinig kong bumukas ang pinto ng palikuran.
Dyahe naman 'to...
Hinubad ko muna ang jacket ko at sinampay sa may pintuan ng cubicle. Para lang malaman ng mga papasok sa palikuran na may naglalabas ng grasya.
Sinama talaga ang tyempo ko. Pagkaupong-pagkaupo ko sa inidoro...
Prhoooot.... Poooot... at umalingasaw ang hindi karapat-dapat.
Ay p*&^! Deadma na yan... Kailangan na syang mailabas...
Nagulat ako at sa kabilang cubicle ay may pumasok din. Mula sa anino mula sa awang ng mga cubicle, umupo rin sya sa inidoro.
Taray may kaduet ako sa cr.

At maya maya nga...
Phoot... prruuuuuttt... Phooophooott...
Pero mas malala ito...

Uuuuhhh... Oooohhhh.... Shit... Aaaahhhh
Tila umurong ang sikmura ko sa pagpigil ko ng tawa. Alangan akong magpigil kase baka sa ibang butas lumabas ang tawa ko. Mas pangit ang tunog. Nakisabay na lang ako sa saliw ng aming musika.
Phoot... krruuut... prrruuuuttttt....
Pero panalo talaga si kuya, pati bibig may tunog.
Oooohhhh.... Uhhhh...
Nagtakip na lang ako ng bibig para hindi nya marinig na tumatawa na talaga ako. Nauunawaan ko ang sarap ng pakiramdam na makapaglabas ng sama ng loob, pero kung makapagdiwang si kuya eh talaga namang katawa-tawa. Naramdaman kong wala na akong mailalabas kaya dali-dali kong kunuha ang tabong may lamang tubig at naghugas. Pagdaka'y nagflush ako ng inidoro upang maibsan ang mga hindi kanais-nais dito. Palabas na ako ng cubicle nang...
"Pre, pahiram naman ng tabo, palagyan na rin ng tubig..."
"Ah, oo sige.."
Phooot... kkrrrrrooookkk....
Ahhhhh....
Nilagyan ko ulit ng tubig galing sa gripo ang tabo at iniabot kay kuya..
"Eto na pre, sarap ng ungol mo diyan ah."
"Honga eh, sarap.."
Dali dali akong lumabas sa cr, sinara ang pinto at tumawa ng malakas.
Naglalakad ako pabalik ng stasyon na nakangisi. Hindi ko makalimutan si kuya, taga opisina man siya o hindi, hinding hindi ko makakalimutan ang mga pangyayari sa palikuran...
Pagupo ko sa aking istasyon...
"O, success ba friend?"
"Naman, ate, success..."
Nang makaupo ako sa stasyon, isang mapait na katotohanan ang bumulaga sa akin...
Lintek kasi si kuya, pinatawa kasi ako eh...
NAKALIMUTAN KO TULOY MAGHUAS NG KAMAY!!!!!!